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As parents of young children, we often get frustrated having to be the referee when siblings are fighting or when our kids have a disagreement with another friend. How many times have we been told to, “Let them work it out,” or even have told our kids not to become ”tattle-tales.”

Kids often see issues in black and white and can follow our directions quite literally, which in some instances, is not good. Today as I was walking my two girls home from the busstop, a neighbor who happens to be in my oldest daughter’s class started a conversation with her about how bad today was and how she was glad it was over.

Curious, I asked what happened and only then did I get details of a fist fight on the school bus from YESTERDAY afternoon!! Luckily, both girls shared the details of the story (which involved two other classmates), neither one had been hurt, and both seemed to understand the importance and severity of these kids’ actions. But I am still wondering why my own daughter, who usually talks quite openly about big goings-on at school, stayed quiet.

Come to find out, the assistant principal interviewed my daughter and this neighbor since they were witnesses to the fight and the girls were told not to talk about the fight with anyone or risk punishment themselves. Now, rather than just not talking to her other classmates about what happened, my daughter took this literally to mean that she couldn’t share this news at home.

We have had a conversation about this already but it is a point that I will reinforce frequently. As our kids grow older they will face bigger and more dangerous challenges and it’s vitally important that we have an open communication with them and maybe redefine what a “tattle-tale” or a “snitch” is.

Granted, I don’t need to hear that, “Johnnie dropped my pencil on the floor,” but if she’s in the proximity of a fight or some other event, I want to know about it! If she hears something about possible violence against students or school buildings, I want to know about it so the authorities can be called.

We’re all trying our best to raise independent kids who can think for themselves but in fifth grade there are still some things they cannot and SHOULD not handle themselves.

photo credit: Michael (mx5tx)

One of my friends took it upon herself to organize our school’s Take A Special Person To Lunch day. It’s a unique and fun 1-week program for our students to invite that special someone to have lunch with them at school. The rules were quite clear: the special person had to be over 18 years of age (basically an adult, no younger siblings), there was one particular day assigned to each class, and the special someone could either buy lunch from the school cafeteria or brown bag it.

Pretty simple, right?

Well, last year was the first year she planned this and it went very well. Kids and teachers were happy and the parents/adults who participated enjoyed the event, even if it was a quick 20 minute lunch period.

This year, the response was quite a bit different and because of a few parents who thought they were above following the rules, the program may not happen next year.

The rules were the same and even though we may not agree with rules in general, rules are created with a specific purpose in mind! Apparently there were many parents who came with younger children in tow, parents who brought McDonald’s or pizza with them, and still others who came on the wrong day and expected the still sit with their student.

I also heard stories from both parents and teachers alike about children who ended up in tears because they thought their special person was coming but they were held up at work/meeting/traffic.

Our school has 530 kids and of course they don’t all eat together but it’s still crowded when the tables are put down and boy, is it loud! Adding younger siblings to the mix just makes things even louder with more potential to have spills and accidents if they want to run around.

No one ever felt they had to specify “No McDonald’s/pizza/fast food” because it was clearly stated to purchase at the school or bring a brown bag. The particular reason was to avoid hurt feelings and envy and the inevitable “How come Johnny got McDonald’s and I didn’t?” Never mind the fact that pizza boxes take up a whole lot of room at crowded tables.

And the reason my friend spread out the days among the classes was to also avoid overcrowding. Having 3-4 classes at lunch plus a parent for nearly every child would have put our capacity at almost 200 people. Too much for our school gym/cafeteria/auditorium.

I’m not sure what my friend will do next year, except maybe hand over the event to someone else. There was talk about making the rules more clear but how on earth can you do that? There were only 3 simple rules to start with! It’s really such a shame that a few selfish parents are potentially ruining this for the kids.

And what kind of example are those parents teaching to their kids? Are the kids then above following the rules?

That’s another post for another day…

My kindergartner had her Valentine’s party last Thursday and she was so excited to pass out her Hannah Montana valentine cards to all her friends. We had searched high and low and finally found them at Walmart and she was beaming with pride as she wrote out all of her friends’ names from the class list.

When I arrived to help out at the party, heart-shaped cookies and decorating frosting in hand, I saw the kids struggling to keep their decorated Valentine bags upright so all the “stuff” wouldn’t fall out. These were simple brown paper bags they decorated at school, each student adding their own creative touch. The kids retrieved their backpacks and loaded up their loot before it spilled all over the floor.

Considering there are only 18 kids in the class, I was amazed to see how much candy my daughter had actually accumulated from her classmates! She had at least four large goodie bags full of candy and favors, equal to the bags they get at birthday parties. Plus the valentine cards that have lollipops attached; one valentine even had a stick of gum attached to it.

While I’m grateful that there are so many generous parents in her class, I’m starting to feel like the cheap mom. Never once since my oldest started preschool eight years ago did it dawn on me to buy loads of candy and make up goodie bags for every seasonal holiday for every classmate. I just don’t have the money or the patience to tie up 18 goodie bags for kids that my daughter never mentions.

I was chuckling with the teacher as we both watched the other class moms putting loot into each bag. They had their own conveyor belt system going and it seemed to be working just fine except they weren’t there to help with the party, they were merely distributing goodie bags.

I’m going to continue being the cheap mom because that’s what I am most comfortable with. I don’t need the extra aggravation of putting together these bags, making sure every one has an equal number of goodies in it, or stressing about having missed somebody. I want my daughters to have the reputations of being good friends and good students rather than producing the best goodie bag.