I firmly believe that children pay a lot more attention to us and our actions/words than we think they do. Sure, they act like they’re big shots and know-it-alls but how many times have we seen or heard them do something and joke, “Wonder where he got THAT from?”

Two weeks ago I went to my school’s PTA meeting and a friend had told me the night before to be ready for some fireworks. Being a very non-confrontational person, I was not looking forward to it but being the Recording Secretary, I felt an obligation to attend.

The meeting went along as planned, very smoothly, until the end. A large group of parents had shown up, some of whom I recognized from other meetings along with many new faces. The topic of concern is school bullying and this was briefly brought up at the last meeting. In March, the decision was made that there had to be more discussion about how to prevent bullying but the PTA meeting was not the right forum for accomplishing this. Well, apparently this decision did not sit well with a few parents in this group, hence the reason to recruit more parents and make a presence at the April meeting.

The self-proclaimed leader of this group, who tends to speak very loudly and pushes hard to get her own way, proclaimed that she had a typewritten speech/presentation to give and she was given permission by the President to proceed. Now, I admit, I missed her speech because my young daughter had to make a bathroom run just as she was about to start (no babysitting so she had to come with me). As I was about to re-enter the room, I was rushed out by the President, saying the content was not appropriate for my daughter.

Basically, to make this a shorter story, once the speech was done, it was time for all the other parents in this group to tell their tales of how their children had dealt with instances of bullying. Needless to say, the emotions escalated, things were said that shouldn’t have been said, and I scurried out in a hurry with my daughter so she didn’t have to see such irate adults going after each other.

Now, I am the first to admit that there should be no place for bullying. Not at school, not on sports teams. Nowhere. I’m fine with a zero tolerance policy and I have confidence that our adminstration handles any problems that arise. My daughter has been in that school for six years and we have never heard of any problems until this year.

That said, these parents who were at the meeting, who seemed to come out in numbers to do battle with the principal, want to form a committee to teach character education. I’m not even sure what that really means and no one has issued any kind of objective of this committee, nor are any of these parents educators themselves. They just want to have free access to the classes to teach them…what exactly?

A friend who also attended (and who seems to know everybody in the school) told me the next day that many of the kids whose parents were there, saying THEIR child was a victim of bullying, at one point or another was the actualy BULLY. Not that it’s right for the bully to get their turn as victim, in no way do I condone that type of thinking or behavior, but how interesting that the loud parents, who are trying to force the principal’s hand, don’t see or ask if their child did anything to instigate the bullying. There are always two sides to a story.

It seems as though there will never be a solution that will satisfy everyone, especially since one of the biggest hurdles is deciding what is bullying. My idea of bullying is very different from someone else’s. In fact, one of the parents told a story of how a classmate made a comment about the sloppiness of her dyslexic son’s handwriting, and to HER, that was a bullying incident. To me, that’s a child making a statement, but of course, all these stories were told out of context. But again, how on earth do you satisfy everyone?

To be honest, I felt bullied just sitting there at the meeting, listening to all the anger being spewed. But I would guarantee that those loud parents would vehemently deny they were being bullies.

Another hurdle is how much leeway should the principal allow to these unhappy parents? Right now she’s angry and upset at this apparent witch hunt so she’s digging in her heels, saying they handle behavioral cases right away and reinforcing with the teachers to watch what happens in class as well as on the playground. Again, that won’t satisfy everyone but she IS in charge of the building. Does she deserve to be strong armed into allowing this parent group to take over, to start policing the school grounds?

I just can’t help but wonder why we can’t all discuss this topic without losing control. We all want the same end result and yet once one person starts getting loud or throwing accusations, the entire group gets defensive and loses control. And what kind of example are these parents setting for their own kids?? There is no doubt in my mind that these parents have been stewing to other parents about this fiasco, probably within earshot of their kids, who then bring the same attitudes or actions to school.

Where does it stop? It SHOULD stop at home and parents SHOULD teach respect, but what if that isn’t happening? Where do the parents and administrators find that “middle ground” so each side can be happy?

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